Lying

Proverbs 6:16-19 said that there are six things which the Lord hates and one of those is a lying tongue.

Last weekend, an old friend added me on Facebook. I didn’t accept right away because there was a stir in my heart. I’ve thought of asking my fiancé’s approval first before I add him. However, I thought to myself “Maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal.” So, before the day ended I accepted him, not knowing what will be the consequence of my action.

The next day, I look at this friend’s profile out of curiosity. I wanted to see where he is and who’s his gf now (since I became friend to his gf before). Unfortunately, I happen to see an ex-bf picture there. Not that I don’t know that he’ll be there, but I didn’t think that it would matter even if I see his picture. I never open the pictures one by one or even dwell on them.

That same day, me and my fiancé had a problem that lasted until Monday. Come Monday night, my fiancé called me and asked me when is the last time I look at any of my ex-bf’s FB. I said that I can’t look at them because they are all blocked on my FB. He then asked me again when is the last time I saw the picture of my last ex-bf. And I said I don’t remember. He asked me not just once but thrice and I lied to him repeatedly.

I remember very vividly this one scenario when I was a little girl. I was eight. I just came home to my grandparents after two months of being in the hospital. It was 1986, a year where “Dengue” was known as “H-fever”. I almost died during that time because no one knows about the disease. I remember lying in bed and 10 doctors would come and see me. They will look at me, they will talk, and they will leave. I don’t know what’s happening. They don’t also know what to tell my parents. My mom told me that my skin is so dry almost cracking, I vomit blood, and sometimes blood would come out from my nose. I look dead because I was only bone and skin. But I was famous in the hospital. Everybody knows me, which I find really fascinating. i love the attention so much!

After that time in the hospital, my grandparents took me to the province. One morning, I was in the dining table eating my breakfast when the pot started to sound (the sound which says its already boiling). I heard it but I never bothered to switch off the stove. My grandfather came rushing and scolded me. He said “narinig mo na ngang kumukulo di mo pa pinatay.” He was about to spank me when my grandmother came. And so I started to cry. I said “tatang, di ko kasi alam kung panu patayin eh.” This is the first memory of me lying.

People say that white lies are okay because they are for the benefit of the person hearing and not your own. But is it really okay to lie? Even white lies?

Why do people lie? I never considered myself a liar before, but after last weekend’s scenario, I think I am now L

There are various reasons why people lie. In my case, I lied because I was afraid. I lied to my fiancé because I was afraid that if he knows then he might get mad and leave me. And that was the one that almost happened last night. I also withheld the information because I thought it wouldn’t matter because for me it doesn’t matter. My heart was not after my ex-bf. My heart is fully devoted to my fiancé. However, maybe the “brat” in me surfaced, the “brat” in me which says that I can get away with anything, the same way I got away from my grandfather’s spank when I was eight years old.

Last night was a nightmare. I never want to feel that way again because I don’t want to lose my fiancé. I cannot lose him because I love him so much. I will die without him. But I know what I did is wrong. I know that lying to him was the worst thing that I can do.

And so I pray in my inmost being that I will always be honest to him today and for the rest of our lives. I pray that our marriage will always be based in truth and in love.