Jealousy

"Jealousy”

July 1, 2011

After almost seven months of being together with my fiancé, I can’t still help but to get slightly jealous whenever I remember about his ex girlfriend/s. Is jealousy a sign of mistrust, immaturity or love?

Me and my fiancé came from three serious relationships before we got to know each other.

My fourth ex-boyfriend (because he is now my fiancé) is the guy that is very different from all the other three. Well for one, we are the same in family status, background and faith. In addition to that, we have so many things in common. We are smart, kind and good-looking (hehehe), we are both givers and compassionate. We love simple things like books, music, photography, travelling, food, gadgets etc. Our differences are immaterial compared to all the things that we have in common. Most importantly, we want the same things in life; we have the same vision, goal and purpose in our lives. We want to be a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God.

He never ceases to amaze me. He makes me laugh; he is a firm guy, a leader. In fact, he is the only one who can shut me up, who can tame me and who can make me stoop down. I never followed anyone in my life before, only him, because I believe in him, I respect him and I love him.

About his three ex-girlfriends, I know everything about them because he told me. Sometimes, the green-eyed monster attacks me but I try to ignore it. I know that there’s no longer any reason for me to get jealous because those girlfriends are his past, same as my ex boyfriends. Past is something that happened before I came into the picture. Whether good or bad things happened, he did not intend to hurt me because I wasn’t there yet. I am a non-existing-person in his life. Past is something that happened so that we can use what we have learned for the benefit of the future.

I often tell my fiancé that if ever he came into my life a little bit early, we might not reach this point of getting married. I believe I am a better person now. I believe that God prepared me for him and He prepared him for me.

This morning I was looking at me and my fiancés pictures. Suddenly, I felt this certain feeling of being proud. Suddenly, I told myself “He is mine now. I am the one taking care of him now. I am the one he thinks about every time now. I am the one he dreamed of. I am the one he desires. I am the one he wants to kiss. I am the one he wants to marry and I am the one he wants to spend the rest of his life.”

And so after that, I told myself that it’s time to let go of the green-eyed monster. It will never help us. It will just ruin us. What is important is the present, the now. And the fact, that this guy is no longer in love with anyone of them, he is in love with me :D