In HARD TIMES...

My last blog was about how happy we were that I am pregnant and how good God had been for giving us a child. Now, I have to write something about how God took what He just gave. In hard times, are we going to praise Him or curse Him?

Before I even found out that I was pregnant, I am already having stomach pains, something that none of my mother and three sisters experienced before. In my heart, there was this feeling that something is not right. Of course, I brushed off all negative thoughts but still they lurk in my head.

I remember one night I told my husband that I am scared because my tummy is not getting bigger. I even told him that I read somewhere that sometimes the Fetus just stop growing and die. A lot of things get into my head but I held on to His promise that He will give us a child. My husband told me “Don’t worry, just have faith. It is God who gave; it is also Him who can take”

Friday morning, I had some “brown discharge”. I told my Doctor about it and she said to visit her with my ultrasound result. And so come Saturday, me and my husband went to the Hospital to have my ultrasound. I am supposed to be 13 weeks and 3 days that day.

We were sitting and waiting. I was not scared. In fact, I was excited to see our baby. I know that by that time, he is already about 3 inches. I thought that the ultrasound picture would be a good gift for my husband 30^th birthday which is just 4 days away.

As the Doctor started doing the pelvic ultrasound, I saw “the face”, the face which tells you that something is wrong.

Doctor:  Maam, your baby is too small, it’s really very very small. I am having a hard time seeing it. Can I do that TVS instead?

Me: Yes. Okay.

Me: Does he have a heartbeat?

Doctor: I am not there yet Maam, wait

Me: Is the baby okay?

Doctor: Maam, I can’t say anything yet until our Senior Doctor sees it.

Once I heard that, I knew that baby is either dead, not normal or doesn’t have any chance of surviving. Then my legs started shaking and I felt my body weakening. To be honest, I didn’t think about what I feel at that time, my first thought was my husband. I immediately told them “Please call my husband, please call my husband”

When my husband came inside the room, the Senior Doctor showed him our baby and he smiled. My husband was very happy. Then I tried to get his attention, when he looked at me, I said “Beh, he doesn’t have a heartbeat” and my husband's face changed. I can see it in his eyes, he doesn’t know what to do, what to say, what to think. It was like his mind was blank. That’s when I started to cry. But I told my mind to be strong. I told the Doctors “What do we do?” and they said “Call your Doctor, your Doctor will tell you what to do next.”

Me and my husband showed strong faces and emotions from his sister (who is with us that day), from his families. We didn’t show them how big the pain, how strong the storm was and that we felt like we’re already drowning. We discussed what to do and we decided to have the operation come Monday.

That night, me and my husband were inside the room. I was fixing the house when I heard him sobbing. I immediately hugged him and kissed him. I said “Kaya natin toh beh, kaya natin toh. I love you. I am here. We are in this together” and he just kept on crying, weeping, grieving. He said “I am sorry babe, I am sorry.”

After that, we prayed.

Sunday 4am, I woke up. I can’t sleep and so I decided to research on babies who die at 7 weeks. I found out that a lot of women experienced miscarriage and that 7 weeks is a critical period of a baby’s development.

While doing my research, I started crying. My husband saw me and he said “Beh, why are you awake?” I told him “I am trying to know why the baby died” and then I started to lose it. My husband hugged me and I cried very loud. I said “I just need to cry baby, I just need to let it all out, I just need to cry para maubos na ung pain” and then he let me cry my heart out.

Three days already passed and the operation went well. I have not felt any pain except for the Dextrose. Even the anaesthesia shot at my back wasn’t that painful. God is good because He made it very easy for me (He knows that I am very scared of needles and blood).

All throughout this situation, did I ever questioned God why? NO. 

I have never asked God why He did or allowed it to happen. Because I know that God is GOOD. I know that even if I don’t understand why, I don’t understand now or I will never understand, I know that God is too good because He gave His son JESUS to save me.

Anything that happens to me, to us in this earth, doesn’t really matter. Any possessions, accomplishments, victories, pains, trials, losses are MEANINGLESS because what matters most is the LIFE AFTER THIS. Knowing that HE chose me to be with HIM in heaven is more than enough for me to PRAISE HIM NO MATTER WHAT.

To my husband, bebeh, I love you more than ever. I know that whatever we face in the future, we can survive coz we both love each other and we love God.

Dear God,

You know me and my husband’s heart. There may still be days that we will cry. Our only prayer is that YOU give us strength to face this pain, see us through this, used our lives to be a blessing. We will keep the FAITH and the HOPE that one day, in your perfect time, You will give us baby Raven. Please bless our families and friends who have prayed for us. Thank you for giving them to us. You are good LORD, you are good, always and forever! :D

Finally....our Angel is here!

May 9, 2012 - I did all the count. I researched it thoroughly. But to no avail. This day, I had my period and it was very heartbreaking. I was in the office. When I found out, I wasn’t able to keep it. I cried in front of my officemates. They were sad too. In fact, two of them were both trying for years, but still not getting pregnant. They told me “Don’t worry boss, it will come”.

I told my husband about it and I know that he is very sad too. In fact, we didn’t discuss it anymore. I know he was hurt as much as I am because we were really expecting it. And the more he hides it from me, the more it becomes more painful on my side. I kept asking myself “Why? Did I make a mistake in counting? Is there something wrong with me? Will I still get pregnant? Why is it that everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant except me? What if I won’t have a child? What if I can’t give Rab a child? What will happen to my marriage?”

One morning in May – I was at home. Still sad about what happened, worried about the unknown. I was trying to keep myself busy by doing some chores in the house. Then in a blink of an eye, I broke down. I was in the living room and i fell down on the floor, I knelt to God, crying, weeping with all my heart, asking God “Why Lord? Why am I not pregnant?”

May 25 – I went home for a three-day vacation in the Philippines with my husband. We got our 1st car during this trip and sabi namin “since wala pang baby, ung car muna ang baby natin.” We didnt pressure ourselves anymore in really trying to conceive.

May 27 – Our guest speaker in church asked the congregation to come forward if they have anything they want to pray for. My husband told me “tara, punta tayo, para mapag-pray ka na rin ni Pastor.” I did come at the altar and found myself crying profusely again. Then Pastor touched my head and after a few seconds he said “The Lord is telling you to stop looking at other people. You have to wait. You will be blessed, just wait.”

After that day, I stopped thinking about getting pregnant, about worrying if I will even get pregnant. I held on to the Lord’s promise. Every time, a doubt sneak into my mind and heart, I go back to those words when He said “Just wait, you will be blessed” and then I brush off all my doubts.

June 14 (Thursday) – I woke up and suddenly thought “maybe I should take the test today?” since it’s already the 37^th day from my last period. But because I am already late for work, I told myself “sa Saturday na lang.”

I don’t have any pregnancy symptoms and to avoid giving my husband false expectations and hope, I didn’t tell him that it’s already my 37^th day (and for sure, di rin naman nya gets hehe)

In the office, I was having some very mild abdominal pains, sometimes on the left side, sometimes on the right. So, I told my officemates about it and they said “Why not go to the doctor? Have it checked.” Then I realized “sige na nga, para wag na ako pacheckup ulit sa Pinas, at least sagot pa ng company now. hehe”

6:30pm – I was in the clinic. I sent a chat to my husband, I said “Beh, nasa clinic na ako. dami tao. Pachek-up ko ung sakit ko sa tyan” He replied “okay beh, dami lang ginagawa d2. Sge. balitaan mo ako. baka nakabuo tayo. Hehe.” Since I still don’t want to give him false hope again, I just replied “hehe”

7:30pm – They called me. I went inside the Doctor’s room and I said “Doc, I’ve been married for six months and I want to know if everything inside is okay. Can you give me an ultrasound? But Doc I’m not sure if I’m pregnant now. My last period is May 9. And also Doc I have pains in my tummy. Can you check?”

While I was lying there, I honestly don’t have any expectations. I was just praying that everything inside me is healthy. And so she started to do the ultrasound. She was frowning. I said “Is everything okay Doc? Is my uterus okay? Are my tubes okay?” She said “Yeah, okay. Okay. Your uterine lining is very thick but I cannot see a sac. You also have polycystic ovary syndrome on one tube that’s why you have irregular period. Let’s do the urine test ‘coz I think you are pregnant.”

Then I went out and had my urine test. While waiting for the Doctor to call me again, I didn’t tell my husband what happened. I whispered a prayer. ”If I’m pregnant I will praise you. If I am not pregnant, I will praise you just the same.”

The nurse called me so I went inside the Doctor’s room, then she said “You are pregnant. You see it’s positive.” I was in complete shock. I didn’t even look thoroughly on the pregnancy test. I just said “Really Doc? Oh my Gosh! Oh my Gosh! We’re waiting for this for so long.”

As soon as I got out of the clinic, I called my husband immediately and this is how the conversation went.

Me: Beh, the Lord heard our prayer

Rab: What? Huh? D ko gets..

Me: I am pregnant

Rab: (breathing, silent, speechless)

Me: Last month lang pinagppray natin, tapos ngayon andyan na!

Rab: Really? Talaga beh?

Me: Uu beh, I am pregnant (I started crying)

Rab: (I know he’s crying too.. hehe)

After this day, I went back to May 9 when we were heartbroken and full of questions. I realized na ganun pala un, you really have to let go and let God.

In this life we will always face “unknown” things. We should not lose hope kasi si God alam na nya ung simula at katapusan ng buhay natin. We should trust Him. We should learn to trust Him. Let us not underestimate the power of prayer.


However, hindi rin sa lahat ng panahon eh makukuha natin what we've prayed for. Minsan pwedeng hindi niya ibigay kahit na anu pang pilit natin. Nevertheless, we should always remember that whatever happens, even if we dont understand, lagi natin isipin that God is good all the time & all the time God is good!

Pinoy Abroad

In 49 days, I will be coming home! My gosh! Time flies so fast! J

I still remember the day I signed my job offer here in Brunei, it was November 3, 2010. That time, I had no reasons to stay in the Philippines and so many reasons to leave.

Anyway, I’ve been here in Brunei for almost 1 ½ year now. When I left the country I never thought that I will still find someone, more so, get married to a wonderful man. But as they say, it comes when you least expect it J

What have I learned during my stay here? What have I experienced as a professional working abroad and as a person living alone? Am I a better person?

To start, Brunei is a safe and peaceful country. I never thought that a place where you don’t have to lock your car doors existed. You can walk around the street holding your wallet, your mobile and bag without worrying that someone will snatch it. You don’t have to be scared while withdrawing money from an ATM. You don’t have to be annoyed by security guards who need to check your bag every time you enter any establishment, because there are NO security guards here! I think I’ve never even seen a police man. But from what I heard, even the police men don’t carry guns. Haha!

Bruneians are also very simple. Well, just like any other race, there are good and bad about them. There’s not much to buy here in Brunei that’s why most of the Bruneians (I think) are not very materialistic. Though, they have three major vices. 1. Nice car 2. Nice and big houses 3. Food

Almost everything here is provided to them by the Government:  Housing, Medical and free education until college. Basic needs are very cheap like diesel and rice because they are subsidized by the government. What more can they ask, right?

As professionals, they are not very competitive people because there is no need to do so. Why would someone work their butt off when everything is cheap? Why would someone burn their eyebrows (like we do) studying when they can earn big money even without a university degree? A person here who has a high school degree can earn around Php45k net of tax, equal to a salary of a Filipino who is a manager and probably been working for almost 10 years.

Oh I wish the Philippines will become a rich country like Brunei where people doesn’t need to work abroad to earn a living! How sad it is to know that we might not be like that even in 100 years L

As a professional, I have learned a lot during my stay here. I have been fortunate enough to be with a German company. Before I came here in Brunei, I am on a supervisory level and then when I got here I landed a job as a Finance Manager. How cool is that? Hehe. Anyway, I have learned a lot about responsibilities and accountabilities. Being the Finance Manager and directly reporting to the Managing Director, the weight upon my shoulder is not light, in fact, it was very heavy. Sometimes, I would tell myself “I cannot do this anymore”, “this is too much”. But since there is a need for me to earn money, I don’t have a choice but to continue.

I would often tell myself “okay lang yan kite, think of the money you get every payday. Sa pinas, pinapatay ka na sa work, ang liit pa ng sweldo. Kaya okay lang yan. ”

All of my hardships paid off because I was able to give money to my sister and my dad, buy all the things I dreamed of buying before (like my LV bag hehe), travel with my hubby, have a nice wedding and save enough to start a life with my husband.

Despite that fact that I earn three times as much as I earn in the Philippines, I have learned the worth of money. If before I tend to just spend every centavo in my ATM during paydays, now it’s different. I have learned not only to live within my means but to LIVE BELOW MY MEANS.

Me and my husband are very blessed to have common views about money. We started our marriage with ZERO debt and we plan on living it with NO CREDIT CARDS AND NO LOANS. We agreed that whatever it is that we want to buy in the future, we save for it and we buy in cash (unless of course if it’s a house and a car)!

On a personal note, living alone in a foreign country is hard. I have been out of my parent’s house since I was 25, but that didn’t help. It took me a while to accept my aloneness. In fact, I was still crying after three months of being here. Life here is different. I don’t have any friends, I don’t have my family, there’s nowhere to go, none to see, no beach, no hobbies. Oh Gosh!

But in fairness to Brunei and to the people I’ve met here, I think the problem is really me. I never really allowed the country or the people to get into me, to get into my life. Every time there is an event or a gathering and people would invite me, I wouldn’t go. I would rather stay home and spend the day in front of my computer, talking to my husband.

They say “wherever you are, be fully there” but I didn’t feel that because my heart belongs back home. I feel lost here in Brunei. I miss my family and friends, the beach, the food, the streets of Makati and even the noise and chaos of EDSA. I miss the crazy Politics and Showbiz of the Philippines. I miss watching tv during Sunday after church while eating “sinigang”. I miss the sun, the rain, and the cool “ber” months. I miss all the Holidays that we have and the reunions. I miss the simple Friday night where you go to Greenbelt, watch movie, have dinner and coffee at starbucks. I miss going to Powerbooks and just hang around there. I miss all of it. And most importantly, I miss my husband.

I know that when I get back home, there will be new learning’s, new challenges and new mountains to conquer. But as long as I am with my husband, I know I will never feel lost again.

To my Prince

I was a little girl who used to run

In the forest, far away, I hide, I cry

I will look up and ask God why

Then I'll fall asleep and dream as I cry

I dream of a man who will someday come

Who will wipe my tears and hold my hands

Who will kneel to God and pray for me

Who will kiss me and make me feel he needed me

He will say funny stuff to make me smile

Make goofy faces that makes me cry

He will listen to me and look in my eyes

He will take care of me, sing me a lullaby

He will look intently when I fall asleep

Make sure I am safe, far from grief

He will wrap his arms around my waist

Makes me feel were alone, together in this earth

He'll be very serious when he talks about life

Even more serious when he is really mad

He will amazed me for being smart

Kind, loving and sometimes naughty bad

He will be my Prince, my Knight, my Lover

And I promise to love him until forever

That man is my fiance Robert Allan S. Bolista

Because of him....

That little girl, she's no longer crying.

How to get over a break-up?

I’ve always wanted to write this article but haven’t had the time and the inspiration to do so. But since I have ample time now, I will try to remember all the things I did to get over a few of my break-ups.

As you already know, I had three ex-boyfriends before I met my husband. The first one was when I was 17, the second when I was 30 and the third when I was 31.

I think getting over break-ups get harder when a person gets older. Why? Maybe because when they are older, they are more serious, there are more things that they have invested, more things they have sacrificed, more people have been involved, and more dreams have been shattered? Mmmhh. Maybe!

Getting over it also depends on the person’s self-esteem. Because I believe that when two people break-up, when one leaves, the other person puts a whole inside the other’s person’s heart. That heart needs to be filled again by God, by family, friends, someone o r something. It really depends on to whom you put your self-esteem or worth. Is it in God or in man?

They say that there are five stages of healing: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I believe I have gone through all of that.

How to get over a break-up based on my experience? These steps are kind of funny, which is really the intention of the article: to find humor in something that is very sad. Hehe.

Here are some of the things you can do (not in order of importance)…

1. Change your mobile number. This is quite hard to do especially since we live now in a world that everyone is connected. But once you’ve been successful in changing your mobile number, make sure na wag na wag mo syang ite-text in the middle of the night pag nalulungkot ka na. Panindigan mo Te. Hehe. It would also help if you tell all your roommates to remind you na wag itext ang mokong mong ex-bf. Sabihin nating nag-iba ka na ng mobile number, siguraduhin mo rin na hindi mo memorize ang number ng ex mo. Try to memorize other numbers and never think about his number again. After a few months, makakalimutan mo rin.
2. Delete or Block in all Social Networks. As I’ve said, medyo mahirap itong gawin. But this will help you big time. Make sure deleted din lahat ng family members nya or friends nya. Especially those friends na hindi mo naman tlaga friends before you got together. Unfair naman sa kanila? Hindi ah! Tama lang yun. Kasi wala na rin naman purpose ung friendship with his family. Baket pa? Masasaktan nyo lang ung mga future gf/bf nyo! And most probably, yun din ang gusto ng family at friends nya & vise-versa.
3. Avoid places you usually go to with him. Lalo mo lang kasi sya maalala and you might rationalize the break-up kasi you're hurting. Avoid the places para ma-erase din sya sa memory mo. But i know some people they deliberately do the opposite, kasi daw mas na-i-immune sila dun sa pain. Either way, it's really up to you.
4. If you live alone, then this is the best time to go back to your family’s house, kahit temporary. I live in Makati ever since I started working. When my ex and I broke-up, I called my parents and asked them if they can fetch me coz I’m coming back home. Every day, I travel from Cavite to Makati and vise versa. This step really helped me a lot because my mind was so occupied with travelling. I had to get up at 4am, be at the bus station at 5am and be in the office at 7am. After office, I had to go straight back home to beat the traffic. Pagdating ng haus, almost 8pm na. Kaya I’m so dead tired to think about my ex. Ang bonus pa dyan is I get to see all my pamangkins, which is a theraphy. They really make me happy ^_^
5. Read books. I know that not everyone loves to read books, but it’s worth a try. You can start reading books about understanding break-ups like “He’s not that into you” (which I think is very honest and true), and “It’s called break-up coz it’s broken” (this book will help you not rationalize the break-up). Then you can move into “Captivating” to understand women, then “Wild at Heart” to understand men. After all that understanding, you can now move into reading books about the one who loves you unconditionally.
6. Buy something new. Well, this is really depends on your budget. Make sure you don’t just “swipe” or else baka ma-heartbroken ka when the bill comes. Maybe simple things lang, like a blouse, a bag or a sandals. But if you have the budget, then go ahead….buy a new Mobile, a PSP, IPAD or DSLR. hehe
7. Get a new look. Maybe a slight color in your hair or a trim or a new style. But NEVER cut it short. Not yet. Maybe after a few months when you are a bit okay. Hehe
8. Go out with Friends.  This really helped me a lot but make sure you find good friends na dadalhin ka sa tama at hindi sa mali. Get good counseling. You are blessed if you can find friends who will be honest to you and at the same time doesn’t scold you kapag naririndi na sila sa paulit-ulit mong kwento about your ex. I have two great friends (Chel & Jovy) who decided to text me to remind me how pretty I am. One will text me in the morning and one in the afternoon. Hayz. Sovra touch ako sa love nila for me. :D
9. Focus on your work/studies. Eto medyo mahirap gawin coz some people really can’t work when they are in pain. But if you are the type na kaya mo, then focus ka lang muna sa work. Work and work until mapansin ka ng boss mo at ma-promote ka. Bongga dba? Hehe
10. Find a new Hobby. Marami kang pwedeng pag-pilian, you can get into sports, into writing articles or poems, create a blog, get into photography etc.
11. Travel. This one is quite expensive but is a sure ball. Hehe. Travelling will boost your self-esteem, not only because you can say that you can afford to travel, but It can also make you realize that you are blessed or lucky compared to others. You will also be amazed  at meeting new people, seeing a different culture, hearing a different language. Yun lang, medyo nakaka-adik ang travelling. Hehe
12. Go to church and pray a lot.  This is the best step that you can do because God is the only one who can fulfill you, comfort you and make you whole again.

After doing all these steps, I was able to move to acceptance after three months. Sympre iba iba naman ang tao. Some people mas matagal, some people mas mabilis. One day you feel na okay ka na, one day you will feel hindi na naman pala. hehe. Just be patient. It will come at the right time. But getting over a break-up really depends on how much you wanted to get over it.

Break-ups! Part yan ng buhay eh! But sabi nga ng husband ko, “wise are the people who learn from their mistakes. But wiser are the people who learn from other people’s mistakes”

Be patient. Listen to godly counseling. Ask God for the right person.

It's more fun in the Philippines!

Travelling! This is something that I really love to do. But who doesn't, right? I mean if everyone only has the guts and the resources to travel, why won't they?! ^_^

What do you get from travelling? Well, you get to see different places, different people and different culture. Sabi nga nila "mas lalawak daw ang pananaw mo sa buhay when you travel!" and I agree. Somehow, it gives you the feeling that this LIFE, this WORLD is BIG and that it doesn't only revolved around you. Siguro, somehow, nawawala ung pagiging self-centered! hehe

Anyway, marami pang benefits ang travelling! You get to take pictures para mai-post sa fb mo! hehe. And for me, na-develop talaga ung confidence ko. I was able to fight a lot of my fears, like fear of heights, fear of rejections, fear of looking like a fool (especially pag nawawala ka and you need to ask for directions), fear of taking the risks and a lot lot more! :D

My first "travel" was in 2003 (I think?), when I was 25 years old. I went to KL and Singapore. But since this article is about the Philippines, well, let's talk about my travel in our own country! It started in 2009 when I got out of a very painful relationship. A good friend introduced me to a guy friend who organizes travel in and out of the country. Because of my desire to really be "okay", I joined him and his friends and this is where everything started.

San-san na nga ba ako nakapunta dito sa ating bansa? Let's start from Luzon to Mindanao.

I've been to Ilocos Sur and Ilocos Norte (Vigan, Laoag, Baluarte, Malacanang of the North etc.), Baguio, Nueva Ecija, Baler, Padre Burgo Quezon, Naga City Bicol, Wakeboarding Center in CamSur, Bagasbas Camarines Norte, Calaguas Island, Boracay (been here 4 times), Bohol, Cagayan De Oro, Camiguin and Bukidnon. At sympre di mawawala ang Pampanga (where I grew up), Bataan, Bulacan, Manila, Makati, Cavite, Laguna, Batangas and Navotas (my husband's place).

I've also climb a few mountains such as Mt. Tarak in Bataan, Mt. Makiling in Laguna (take note Traverse hehe), Mt. Manabu in Lipa Batangas, Mt. Batulao also in Batangas, Mt. Sembrano in Antipolo and Mt. Famy in Sta. Cruz Laguna

So, let's start with my journey by showing you some of my pictures....

BORACAY!

I believe this is still the best beach ever. What to do here? Just like me, you can get a tattoo, drive a speedboat, snorkling, para-sailing, sailing, wall-climbing, watch the sunset and enjoy the night life. hehe!

BALER, Aurora!

Baler is located on the upper part of the Philippines. It's one of the best surfing spots in the country (together with La Union & Bagasbas). What's also amazing about this place is the journey coming here because you will pass by the famous Sierra Madre.

The waves are very nice, safe for beginners like me. However, be careful with the current. Make sure you dont swim pass by the safety line.

BAGASBAS, Camarines Norte!

This is where I did my first "surfing." Well, I know that this might come as a surprise, but do you know that I cannot swim? haha!

An old boss told me "Cristy, you are a dare-devil! How can you surf without knowing how to swim?" That's also my question. haha. But it's just basic surfing. Nothing to worry. The water is only up to my head. :D

Anyway, the first time we decided to surf, I was with 5 friends who all know how to swim! As we were listening to our instructors, my mind kept telling me "Cristy, don't do that! that's not safe! don't you dare!" However, there's this fire within me, saying "It's okay, face your fears, you can do it." I am not suggesting that you ignore safety issues, but be smart! Since the instructor told me it is okay, I decided to take the risk and do it! And no regrets. hehehe

CALAGUAS ISLAND!

The second most beautiful beach I've ever been to. The water and sand are perfect. There are only two negative things about this place. One is that there's no place to stay in the island. You have to bring your own tent and food. There's a caretaker who will allow you to use their comfort rooms, but don't expect that it will be clean and pretty. Second is that this island is very far from civilization. You have to take a bangka for about an hour. And I'm telling you, the bangka doesn't have any life vest and the waves are really wild. So, if ever you decide to go to this place, be safe. Better if you bring your own life vest!

PADRE BURGOS, Quezon!

This is where I first did "kayaking." It was a good experience because the water is just so quiet, very still. They also call this place "Little Palawan" and sure enough, it really looks like Palawan. Some of the people also do rappelling here!

BOHOL!

There's just so many things to see and do here. Seeing the Chocolate Hills brings me back to my childhood. It was surreal because I never thought that I could actually see something that I only see in books during elementary.

You can also see the Tarsier and Dolphins, have lunch at Loboc River and have dinner at Bee Farm. I also recommend going to Bohol Beach Club and of course eat a "sea urchins." I've tried it and it actually taste like a ripe mango. Yes! try it! :D

MOUNTAINS!

My eyes were opened to climbing in early 2000 when my grandfather died. It became my bonding moments with my sisters and cousins. It also helped me to fight my fear of heights and to lessen my so called "kaartehan." When you are in a mountain, walang c.r., walang ligo-ligo, punas-punas lang. hehe!

This is also a place where you'll really see God's creation in its rawest form. Sa bundok, walang ilaw, walang ingay. The stars will be your light and the birds will be your sound. It is a good place to bond with God, away from all the noise and chaos of the city.

There are a lot of mountains in other countries, yun lang, sa kanila either may snow or may wild animals! hehe. Kaya nga even sa climbing, it's more fun in the Philippines!

CAGAYAN DE ORO, CAMIGUIN AND BUKIDNON!

This is my first trip to Mindanao. Honestly, this is also the first time I saw a "Muslim" in person. Not knowing na okay naman pala. They are very nice and the place is very peaceful.

We did a lot of stuff here. We did water-rafting in CDO and it was "one-of-a-kind-experience." It was scary but very exciting. Grave! My feet were sore kasi isiniksik ko talaga sila dun sa boat para hindi ako malaglag.

Camiguin is such a beautiful island. Bukidnon is where I took my first "zip-line experience"! In fact, it was the longest zipline in the Philippines. It was scary but oh so worth it!!

There are still tons of places to go to like Batanes (sabi nila mas maganda pa daw ito sa New Zealand), Sorsogon (to see the butanding), Caramoan (maybe try wake-boarding? hehe), Cebu, Davao and Palawan. I am sure I will visit them all soon with my husband and kids.

So, are you convinced that it is more fun in the Philippines? YES! Of course! hehe!

Remember, what really makes our country beautiful is not only the place but it is the people!

I am proud to be Pinoy! ^_^ 

Valentine’s Day! (for singles)

What is it about Valentine’s Day that makes people crazy?

When I was in Elementary, Valentine’s Day is about making this heart-shaped paper. Kids will cut these red papers in heart shaped form. Pa-galingan ng pag-cut. Dapat perfect!! Then, you will write a message on it and give it to your parents!

It changed a little bit during High School. This time, you don’t cut papers; you buy those heart-shaped cards and give it to your friends, classmates and teachers. Ang parents, out of the equation na! L

In college, it became obviously different. It’s about boyfriends and girlfriends! haha

I was 17 years old when I had my first boyfriend. Medyo old na un compared sa mga kids today! Hehe. I remember that year was my first Valentine’s day na may boyfriend na ako! I got one bouquet of white flowers from him. Dinala lang nya sa dorm tapos umuwi na sya! Woohoo. Finally! Kasi during that time, nagpupustahan kami ng mga cousins at sister ko kung sino unang magkaka-bf sa aming apat. Hehe. Pero would you believe that among the four of us, I was the first who had a boyfriend but I was the last one who got married. Hehe. Ayos, di mo talaga masasabi ang kapalaran!

Anyhow, back to the Valentine’s day topic! After that first boyfriend, I was single for more than 10 years! Ang tagal! Whew! During that 10 years, I hated Valentine’s Day.

In my opinion, Valentine ’s Day was used so aggressively by the businesses to earn money. In fact, it is manipulated by the malls for their own advantage. Magugulat ka na lang, ang daming mga kung anu anung design sa mall, para ma-enganyo ang mga tao na bumili. It is also used by restaurants, cinemas, hotels, motels, artists, flower shops etc. However, these businesses made it a point to focus on Couples alone. Eh, panu naman ang mga singles, d vah?

Since I was single for 10 years, I think I have the right to make opinions on this matter. Wahaha. When I was still single (no boyfriend, not married), as I’ve said I hated Valentine’s Day especially if it falls on a weekday! Baket?

Kasi, early morning pa lang, papunta ng office, makikita mo na sa Makati ang mga guys or messengers na may dalang mga bouquet of flowers. At pag dumaan si manong messenger, lahat ng babae, nagho-hope na sana sa kanila ung delivery. Aminin?... hehe

Pagdating sa office, ayan, datingan na ang mga messengers. I remember when I was still working at Deloitte, sa floor namin, pag may babae na pinadalhan ng flowers, puro kami….aaaahhhhh….how sweet? Kanino galing? Wow naman!”  Tapos, sabay balik sa table, at magiisip ng “baket kaya wala akong flowers?”

If you’re in a relationship and you didn’t receive any, you will feel neglected. If you’re still single naman and you didn’t receive anything, you will feel depressed, sad and an outcast.

Because the media and environment outcast the “single” people, ako nuon eh nagtatago pag Valentine’s Day! If it falls on a weekday, after office, diretso ako uwi. I don’t bother passing by sa mall, kasi if you’re alone and you’re dining alone, people would look at you with their “pitiful eyes”!  Na parang may ketong ka, kasi wala kang ka-partner. Adik dba? And if it falls naman during weekend, I locked myself inside my room. I don’t go out. Palilipasin ko ung araw na matapos bago ako lumabas. Pero, baket nga ba ganun?

The answer is, E-W-A-N ko! Hehe.

Sa bible ba may Valentine’s Day? Diba wala!

The first and second commandments are about Love. It says love God, love yourself and love your neighbors!

Sa aking mga single friends, I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there, done that. But like I said, on my other blog, being single is a phase. Your other half is coming, just be patient. And while you’re waiting, enjoy your time being single. Yung mind-set natin ang ating baguhin. Let’s be proud of being single because it is the best time that we can spend with God, our family and friends! :D

A Letter to my Baby

Dear my Baby Raven,

10:14pm, February 9, 2012. I am here in Brunei and your daddy is in the Philippines. I was praying to God about you when suddenly I thought of writing to you.

Kamusta ka na anak ko? Nasa tummy na ba kita or nasa heaven ka pa? hehe J

We’ve been hoping na sana nabuo ka na namin last week. Our hopes are getting stronger especially since yesterday I felt dizzy and light-headed. This morning I don’t feel my usual self again, I feel a bit dizzy and tired. Though, no matter how much I wanted to know kung buo ka na, I can’t, kasi di ka pa mad-detect ng pregnancy test. We still need to wait for two more weeks. Kaya eto, nag-d-daydream pa lang ako about you. Hayz.

I told your dad kanina that I feel dizzy pero sabi ko sa kanya baka over-acting lang ako. Hehe. Sabi nya, wag daw muna ako mag-expect at baka maudlot. Hehe

Anyway, it’s funny how some people can get pregnant very easily with one try while others can’t even with trying a hundred times. Recently I found out that a mommy’s egg only appears once a month and only lives for 24 hours. Then with millions of egg from a daddy, only one egg will be able to meet the mommy’s egg. Once they meet, then a baby happens. Isn’t that amazing anak? Ibig sabihin you're one in millions talaga! Hehe

Sometimes your daddy and I joke around. Sabi ko sa kanya, sana ung kulay ng skin, mata at pagiging cute makuha mo sa akin. Tapos ung pagiging smart makuha mo sa kanya. Hehe. Pero seriously, I like your dad’s eyes, very expressive, at deep-set. Sana ung mata nya ang makuha mo, wag ung sa akin. hehe

Even before your daddy and I were married, nai-imagine na kita. I imagine you coming in my office with your dad. You’re about 4 years old wearing your little maong pants and polo shirt. Then running to me, embracing and kissing me. Aaaahhh. What a sight? Wala ka pa, pero miss na kita :D

I’ll be honest with you my baby Raven, I am scaredL. Sometimes I wonder how I will be able to take care of you while you’re inside my body. I worry that I might get sick or I might eat or drink something that can affect your development. I worry that I might not give you all the right vitamins to grow and be born healthy and normal. I am scared that I might be stressed in the office, tapos ma-stress ka rin.

I am also scared about all the things that I will have to go through for you. Your dad knows that I am scared of needles and blood. The first time I took the blood check-up of your Ate Faye, I fainted. The last time a nurse took my blood for a sugar check-up, I also fainted. Having you will require me to go through a lot of that and I am scared. I am also scared about giving birth. Your Tita Joy said that the most painful is when they shot the anaesthesia. Your Tita said that it’s really a big big needle. Nakakatakot diba? L

But you know my baby Raven, I will go through all of that for you. If I need to take all the vitamins that my Doctor prescribed, then I will. If I have to drink milk three times a day, then I will. If I have to stop drinking coffee, then I will. If I have to be fat and have those stretch marks, then okay lang. If I have to bear the big needles and blood check-ups, then I will. I just want you to be healthy and happy.

In two weeks time, malalaman na namin if nasa tummy na kita or nasa heaven pa. But please be assured anak, that me and your daddy will do everything to make things perfect for you. We will make sure that my body is healthy for you. We will make sure that you will have a good, happy and safe home. We will love you the way God wants us to. We are very excited and we are anxiously waiting for you. Come to us soon.

Love,

Mommy

Journey Home

I got engaged in March of last year. From that moment on, we’ve been contemplating on my return to the Philippines.

For almost one year, me and my fiancé (back then) lived a Long Distance Relationship. A person cannot say something (doesn’t have the right to do so!) unless he experienced being in that situation. People will say “ay, madali lang yan, may phone naman, email or may skype naman eh etc etc.” I believe that no one in LDR can say that it’s easy, because it’s not.

We’ve survived a lot of lonely nights, days that we feel alone and moments that we really missed each other. We’ve suffered a lot of fights because of misunderstandings. We’ve paid huge amounts on our phone bills, internet and airfares. We’ve gone through all of that and yet we are still together, going stronger. But when do you say “it’s time to go home”?

After our wedding last December, I stayed in the Philippines for almost 3 weeks. Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. The original plan was for me to stay until January of 2013. However, when I got back in Brunei last January, that’s the time we felt that being apart now that we’re married is even harder. Noong mag-bf/gf kami, mas madali, pero pag married na pala, the more you feel na other half of you is missing. Tutuo pala ung sinabi sa bible na iisa na kayo.

The whole month of January was full of discussion with my husband if I should go back home or not. We’ve tried to look at all the worst scenarios. We’ve asked so many questions like, What if I get pregnant? When should I get pregnant? Should I get a job? When do I get a job? What about our travels? What about his job? Where do we stay? Should we get a car? Etc. I’ve also given him a computation of our financial standing. We’ve looked at all the pros and cons of both scenarios. Finally, we made a decision for me to go home this June.

But how do you know if a certain decision is from God? Have you ever wondered how?

There are a lot of books written to know the will of God. I think a few years ago I’ve read one. The book mentioned 7 points but I can only remember a few.  The first one is that it shouldn’t contradict any statement from the bible. But the one point that I always remember is if I have “peace” in my heart.

Even though my husband and I have already decided that I should go home, I still found myself asking God for confirmation. I know that it is His will for me to be with my husband because the bible says that “a man should not be alone.” But I still found myself crying to God, asking Him for peace.

One night, I was able to talk to a girl friend about the decision and she agreed that I should go home. After that, I still prayed to God. I told God “Lord, I know that the stir in my heart is because of fear. I am scared to go back to Philippines because I worry about our finances. I worry about our safety. I worry about our future, our kids’ future.” God showed me that we are under His protection. No matter where we are, whichever part of the world, no matter how much money we have, we are and will always be under His grace.

After all of that, the pull of money is still holding me back. I still don’t have peace. I prayed to God once again. I said “Lord, staying here has only one reason and that is money. All the other reasons points back to coming home. But why do I still feel this way? Lord, I will wait for the peace, I know in time you will give it to me”

I went home to Philippines last Feb 1-5 for a short visit. We are both so happy to see each other once again after one month of being apart.

On my second night home, I was sleeping like a baby because of a very tiring day. Around 2AM, I woke up and saw my husband awake. I asked him why is he still up. He said he’s just thinking. That’s the first time I saw him with that look on his face. He looked tired, worried and sad. And because I’m just half-awake, I went back to bed right away.

Around 5AM, I woke up and my husband is already sleeping. I looked at his face and I felt so much love for him. Suddenly, I realized that my husband needs me. I realized that in times like these, I should be there for him, encouraging him, supporting him and believing in him.

People will never understand our decision for me to go home. They will think we are crazy by letting go that much money in Brunei. But we made a vow when we got married and that is for better or worse dapat magkasama kami.

Life is not about money, it’s about relationship. No one in their deathbeds will think of their money, of their houses, of their cars, of their accomplishments. They will think of their relationships- relationships with God, with their husband/wife, with their kids, with their friends, with people, but NOT money.

That moment, God gave me what I’ve been asking for so long and that is PEACE! Peace in my heart!

The bible says “we are a mist that appears for a while and then vanishes”

Life is short. Live it well!

Our Wedding

Due to the fact that I tend to forget things, I have decided that now is the right time to write about our wedding day!


In addition, I want to take this opportunity to thank our family, relatives and friends for attending our wedding. Thank you for taking the time to leave your work and dress up for this event. Thank you to all our Principal Sponsors and the rest of of the entourage. Thank you to Ate Tess for helping us organize this wedding. Thank you to Paul and Toni for being our emcees. Thank you to RC, Jamai, A4peeps and all of Rab's friends for ushering. Thank you to Mimi and her friend for my make-up and hair. Thank you to my mom-in-law for doing those beautiful bouquets. Thank you to Ate Hilda for doing my gown. Thank you to our families for fixing the flower baskets and the clothes, accessories of all our super-duper cute nieces/nephews. Thank you to all our friends from elementary, high school, college, previous workmates, current workmates and all those who have travelled far. Thank you to Blue Gardens, Zapata, Shekinah. Thank you to everyone for making this possible. God bless you all...


As for our wedding, this is how it all happened....


Saturday: The day when I came home from Brunei. That day I found out that my wedding gown is so wrinkled. I told myself “okay, I will have it dry clean”, not knowing that dry cleaning takes 3 days. Oh Gosh! What am I going to do? Can I wear the gown like that? Out of desperation, I cried to Rab during our phone conversation. I was like a baby crying helplessly. L

Sunday: It was a busy day. Me, Rab and Toni (my friend) went to the mall looking for this iron that can be used to iron my wedding gown. And it took us so long to find it. After finding it, I realized that I haven’t done my nails and it’s almost 10pm. So what to do? We decided to just buy all the manicure stuff and do it ourselves. While Toni and I were busy looking for those stuff, Rab was looking at us with amazement. Haha! He said “are you sure you can really do that?” And Toni and I said “of course, kahit French tip pa yan!”

And then we realized that we haven’t done our massage. Thank God that there was a massage place near the hotel. So after checking in, we went to this spa and had our massage. The day would have been okay when suddenly me and Toni overslept and Rab have been waiting for us for almost an hour. Rab was mad and I felt so ashamed. Huhu.

After Rab went home, Toni and I were busy ironing my gown. It was a very long gown and I am telling you, it wasn’t easy!!! And then my mom arrived and she helped us to fix some of the things for tomorrow. I think it was 3am when we finally went to bed.

Monday: My Wedding day!! J This day was c-r-a-z-y.

Vows: The three of us woke up at around 8am, had our breakfast and took our showers. After that I opened my laptop and started doing my vows, only to end up with an outline. I am good with speaking anyway, so I told myself I will just do it impromptu. Haha!

Make-up and Photographers: Around 10am, my friend who will do my make-up said that she will be late. But thank goodness, she made it! J While she’s doing my make-up and hair, the photographers came. All the member of my family came too. So, it was very chaotic! I mean kids were running around the hall and my room was filled with people and equipments.

Cars: And then I got a call from Rab, he said that they are running late because the cars that they rented were all late. That time, I really wanted to cry. I also wanted to be mad at Rab. But I realized that he must be in a lot of stress too. So, I tried to calm myself.


Bouquet & Rings: After a few hours, the entourage of Rab went to the hotel to bring my bouquet and wedding rings. And so, everything was set. We can start the photoshoots. While taking the shots, everything was chaotic. I mean, I had to tell Toni to bring this and that, to tell someone this and that etc. Toni acted as my maid of honor even though she’s my emcee and I am so grateful for her.

Bridal Car: When I got inside my bridal car, the driver doesn’t know the place! Grrrhhh! L But as Bruneians always say “What to do?”

Prayer: During all the chaos, as I was inside the car, I have all these emotions. I was stressed, I was tired, I was hungry and thirsty, but I was also happy beyond something I can ever explain and imagine.

Before coming out from the car, I prayed. I told God these words....

“Lord, this is it! I know a lot of things were not in order. A lot of things were not the way I expected them to be. But I am thankful and happy because I am about to marry Rab, the man that I’ve been waiting for all my life. Thank you for giving him to me.”

Aisle: Maybe some of you have seen a lot of weddings before. Have you noticed that most of the time, the bride and groom cry while the bride is walking down the aisle? Don’t you think it’s exaggerated?

Well, here’s how it happened to me.

I went out of the car, stand up in front of the gate and these girls are telling me “Maam, once the gate is open, don’t walk first. Wait a few seconds and then start taking your steps. But walk very slowly. I mean as slow as you can.”

I told myself, “Okay, I will walk slowly. Oh Lord please don’t let me step on my gown, lose my balance and fall off the stairs. That would be very embarrassing!”

Arc: Finally, I am in front of the arc. While standing there, I was able to see the whole garden, the lights, the flowers, the people and it was so beautiful...EVERYTHING is Beautiful! ^_^

Our Magical Moment: Rab was singing while I was walking down the aisle.

As soon as I met Rab’s eyes, he looked at me and I looked at him, everything else became blur. Visions flashed before my eyes. I remembered the 12 months that we’ve been together. I remembered all the fights, the struggles, the cries, the longing, the laughter and all the love that we have for each other.

Then tears fell from my eyes. I told myself “The past is now behind us. The chaos of the day is now behind us. From this day on, I will only see one person, and that is my husband – Rab, whom I love so much!”

The Rest of the night: The ceremony and reception went well and we are proud of it. Rab and I have given so much effort to have the wedding. It was for the Lord, it was for our parents, it was for all the people who loves us and it is also for our kids. I know that in the future, they will look at our pictures and videos, and they will see how GOD and how LOVE can move in this crazy world and make things wonderful!! ^_^