Valentine’s Day! (for singles)

What is it about Valentine’s Day that makes people crazy?

When I was in Elementary, Valentine’s Day is about making this heart-shaped paper. Kids will cut these red papers in heart shaped form. Pa-galingan ng pag-cut. Dapat perfect!! Then, you will write a message on it and give it to your parents!

It changed a little bit during High School. This time, you don’t cut papers; you buy those heart-shaped cards and give it to your friends, classmates and teachers. Ang parents, out of the equation na! L

In college, it became obviously different. It’s about boyfriends and girlfriends! haha

I was 17 years old when I had my first boyfriend. Medyo old na un compared sa mga kids today! Hehe. I remember that year was my first Valentine’s day na may boyfriend na ako! I got one bouquet of white flowers from him. Dinala lang nya sa dorm tapos umuwi na sya! Woohoo. Finally! Kasi during that time, nagpupustahan kami ng mga cousins at sister ko kung sino unang magkaka-bf sa aming apat. Hehe. Pero would you believe that among the four of us, I was the first who had a boyfriend but I was the last one who got married. Hehe. Ayos, di mo talaga masasabi ang kapalaran!

Anyhow, back to the Valentine’s day topic! After that first boyfriend, I was single for more than 10 years! Ang tagal! Whew! During that 10 years, I hated Valentine’s Day.

In my opinion, Valentine ’s Day was used so aggressively by the businesses to earn money. In fact, it is manipulated by the malls for their own advantage. Magugulat ka na lang, ang daming mga kung anu anung design sa mall, para ma-enganyo ang mga tao na bumili. It is also used by restaurants, cinemas, hotels, motels, artists, flower shops etc. However, these businesses made it a point to focus on Couples alone. Eh, panu naman ang mga singles, d vah?

Since I was single for 10 years, I think I have the right to make opinions on this matter. Wahaha. When I was still single (no boyfriend, not married), as I’ve said I hated Valentine’s Day especially if it falls on a weekday! Baket?

Kasi, early morning pa lang, papunta ng office, makikita mo na sa Makati ang mga guys or messengers na may dalang mga bouquet of flowers. At pag dumaan si manong messenger, lahat ng babae, nagho-hope na sana sa kanila ung delivery. Aminin?... hehe

Pagdating sa office, ayan, datingan na ang mga messengers. I remember when I was still working at Deloitte, sa floor namin, pag may babae na pinadalhan ng flowers, puro kami….aaaahhhhh….how sweet? Kanino galing? Wow naman!”  Tapos, sabay balik sa table, at magiisip ng “baket kaya wala akong flowers?”

If you’re in a relationship and you didn’t receive any, you will feel neglected. If you’re still single naman and you didn’t receive anything, you will feel depressed, sad and an outcast.

Because the media and environment outcast the “single” people, ako nuon eh nagtatago pag Valentine’s Day! If it falls on a weekday, after office, diretso ako uwi. I don’t bother passing by sa mall, kasi if you’re alone and you’re dining alone, people would look at you with their “pitiful eyes”!  Na parang may ketong ka, kasi wala kang ka-partner. Adik dba? And if it falls naman during weekend, I locked myself inside my room. I don’t go out. Palilipasin ko ung araw na matapos bago ako lumabas. Pero, baket nga ba ganun?

The answer is, E-W-A-N ko! Hehe.

Sa bible ba may Valentine’s Day? Diba wala!

The first and second commandments are about Love. It says love God, love yourself and love your neighbors!

Sa aking mga single friends, I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there, done that. But like I said, on my other blog, being single is a phase. Your other half is coming, just be patient. And while you’re waiting, enjoy your time being single. Yung mind-set natin ang ating baguhin. Let’s be proud of being single because it is the best time that we can spend with God, our family and friends! :D

A Letter to my Baby

Dear my Baby Raven,

10:14pm, February 9, 2012. I am here in Brunei and your daddy is in the Philippines. I was praying to God about you when suddenly I thought of writing to you.

Kamusta ka na anak ko? Nasa tummy na ba kita or nasa heaven ka pa? hehe J

We’ve been hoping na sana nabuo ka na namin last week. Our hopes are getting stronger especially since yesterday I felt dizzy and light-headed. This morning I don’t feel my usual self again, I feel a bit dizzy and tired. Though, no matter how much I wanted to know kung buo ka na, I can’t, kasi di ka pa mad-detect ng pregnancy test. We still need to wait for two more weeks. Kaya eto, nag-d-daydream pa lang ako about you. Hayz.

I told your dad kanina that I feel dizzy pero sabi ko sa kanya baka over-acting lang ako. Hehe. Sabi nya, wag daw muna ako mag-expect at baka maudlot. Hehe

Anyway, it’s funny how some people can get pregnant very easily with one try while others can’t even with trying a hundred times. Recently I found out that a mommy’s egg only appears once a month and only lives for 24 hours. Then with millions of egg from a daddy, only one egg will be able to meet the mommy’s egg. Once they meet, then a baby happens. Isn’t that amazing anak? Ibig sabihin you're one in millions talaga! Hehe

Sometimes your daddy and I joke around. Sabi ko sa kanya, sana ung kulay ng skin, mata at pagiging cute makuha mo sa akin. Tapos ung pagiging smart makuha mo sa kanya. Hehe. Pero seriously, I like your dad’s eyes, very expressive, at deep-set. Sana ung mata nya ang makuha mo, wag ung sa akin. hehe

Even before your daddy and I were married, nai-imagine na kita. I imagine you coming in my office with your dad. You’re about 4 years old wearing your little maong pants and polo shirt. Then running to me, embracing and kissing me. Aaaahhh. What a sight? Wala ka pa, pero miss na kita :D

I’ll be honest with you my baby Raven, I am scaredL. Sometimes I wonder how I will be able to take care of you while you’re inside my body. I worry that I might get sick or I might eat or drink something that can affect your development. I worry that I might not give you all the right vitamins to grow and be born healthy and normal. I am scared that I might be stressed in the office, tapos ma-stress ka rin.

I am also scared about all the things that I will have to go through for you. Your dad knows that I am scared of needles and blood. The first time I took the blood check-up of your Ate Faye, I fainted. The last time a nurse took my blood for a sugar check-up, I also fainted. Having you will require me to go through a lot of that and I am scared. I am also scared about giving birth. Your Tita Joy said that the most painful is when they shot the anaesthesia. Your Tita said that it’s really a big big needle. Nakakatakot diba? L

But you know my baby Raven, I will go through all of that for you. If I need to take all the vitamins that my Doctor prescribed, then I will. If I have to drink milk three times a day, then I will. If I have to stop drinking coffee, then I will. If I have to be fat and have those stretch marks, then okay lang. If I have to bear the big needles and blood check-ups, then I will. I just want you to be healthy and happy.

In two weeks time, malalaman na namin if nasa tummy na kita or nasa heaven pa. But please be assured anak, that me and your daddy will do everything to make things perfect for you. We will make sure that my body is healthy for you. We will make sure that you will have a good, happy and safe home. We will love you the way God wants us to. We are very excited and we are anxiously waiting for you. Come to us soon.

Love,

Mommy

Journey Home

I got engaged in March of last year. From that moment on, we’ve been contemplating on my return to the Philippines.

For almost one year, me and my fiancé (back then) lived a Long Distance Relationship. A person cannot say something (doesn’t have the right to do so!) unless he experienced being in that situation. People will say “ay, madali lang yan, may phone naman, email or may skype naman eh etc etc.” I believe that no one in LDR can say that it’s easy, because it’s not.

We’ve survived a lot of lonely nights, days that we feel alone and moments that we really missed each other. We’ve suffered a lot of fights because of misunderstandings. We’ve paid huge amounts on our phone bills, internet and airfares. We’ve gone through all of that and yet we are still together, going stronger. But when do you say “it’s time to go home”?

After our wedding last December, I stayed in the Philippines for almost 3 weeks. Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. The original plan was for me to stay until January of 2013. However, when I got back in Brunei last January, that’s the time we felt that being apart now that we’re married is even harder. Noong mag-bf/gf kami, mas madali, pero pag married na pala, the more you feel na other half of you is missing. Tutuo pala ung sinabi sa bible na iisa na kayo.

The whole month of January was full of discussion with my husband if I should go back home or not. We’ve tried to look at all the worst scenarios. We’ve asked so many questions like, What if I get pregnant? When should I get pregnant? Should I get a job? When do I get a job? What about our travels? What about his job? Where do we stay? Should we get a car? Etc. I’ve also given him a computation of our financial standing. We’ve looked at all the pros and cons of both scenarios. Finally, we made a decision for me to go home this June.

But how do you know if a certain decision is from God? Have you ever wondered how?

There are a lot of books written to know the will of God. I think a few years ago I’ve read one. The book mentioned 7 points but I can only remember a few.  The first one is that it shouldn’t contradict any statement from the bible. But the one point that I always remember is if I have “peace” in my heart.

Even though my husband and I have already decided that I should go home, I still found myself asking God for confirmation. I know that it is His will for me to be with my husband because the bible says that “a man should not be alone.” But I still found myself crying to God, asking Him for peace.

One night, I was able to talk to a girl friend about the decision and she agreed that I should go home. After that, I still prayed to God. I told God “Lord, I know that the stir in my heart is because of fear. I am scared to go back to Philippines because I worry about our finances. I worry about our safety. I worry about our future, our kids’ future.” God showed me that we are under His protection. No matter where we are, whichever part of the world, no matter how much money we have, we are and will always be under His grace.

After all of that, the pull of money is still holding me back. I still don’t have peace. I prayed to God once again. I said “Lord, staying here has only one reason and that is money. All the other reasons points back to coming home. But why do I still feel this way? Lord, I will wait for the peace, I know in time you will give it to me”

I went home to Philippines last Feb 1-5 for a short visit. We are both so happy to see each other once again after one month of being apart.

On my second night home, I was sleeping like a baby because of a very tiring day. Around 2AM, I woke up and saw my husband awake. I asked him why is he still up. He said he’s just thinking. That’s the first time I saw him with that look on his face. He looked tired, worried and sad. And because I’m just half-awake, I went back to bed right away.

Around 5AM, I woke up and my husband is already sleeping. I looked at his face and I felt so much love for him. Suddenly, I realized that my husband needs me. I realized that in times like these, I should be there for him, encouraging him, supporting him and believing in him.

People will never understand our decision for me to go home. They will think we are crazy by letting go that much money in Brunei. But we made a vow when we got married and that is for better or worse dapat magkasama kami.

Life is not about money, it’s about relationship. No one in their deathbeds will think of their money, of their houses, of their cars, of their accomplishments. They will think of their relationships- relationships with God, with their husband/wife, with their kids, with their friends, with people, but NOT money.

That moment, God gave me what I’ve been asking for so long and that is PEACE! Peace in my heart!

The bible says “we are a mist that appears for a while and then vanishes”

Life is short. Live it well!